Healed!
For years and years and years I’ve had a weird rash on my hand. It started when I got my first job at a little restaurant. I remember it clearly because it would burn like hell when I had to chop tomatoes. It was a Mexican restaurant, so I had to chop a lot of tomatoes. The bosses didn’t believe in things like pre-packaged vegetables and they didn’t have any nifty tool to chop tomatoes.
I was 16 at the time, so that makes how many years? Nineteen?
So for the past 19 years I’ve been treating this rash with a variety of prescription and non-prescription creams. One doctor told me it was eczema but I never really believed that. No other doctor ever gave me a name for it. My mom and sister have both been battling the same rash and no one has ever been able to give them successful treatment either.
Do you remember when my friends from Ireland visited? Shaun is a pharmacist. I showed Shaun my hand, since I’m sure he loves looking at stubborn, scaly, dripping rashes, and he diagnosed me with a fungal infection in about 0.5 seconds.
The only anti-fungal I had sitting around was not exactly a hand cream, but the very second I applied it to the rash it calmed down. I’ve been faithfully using it for the past several weeks and to my amazement and delight the rash is G-O-N-E. A few days ago some new bumps appeared and I growled. I happened to be cleaning the mildew from my shower with a mix of white vinegar and water and spilled some on my hand.
It instantly killed the little dots.
My god, people! I’ve been a victim of mildew poisoning for the past 19 years!
I never, ever, in a million years would have dreamed of putting anti-fungal cream on the rash. Nor would I have thought vinegar would have done a speck of good. It burned like hell and I expected it to make things worse, but it was the ultimate cure!
You have no idea how exciting it is to get rid of this horrid rash. I’ll share the secret with my mom and sister when I’m in Oregon and see if they are also mildew victims.
And yes, I know it is probably not actually mildew, but that’s a lot funnier. I’m all about the funny.
By the way, does anyone read Gene Weingarten’s humor column? We’ve been getting the Sunday Post, so I’ve been reading him. He’s not all that funny, but I’m a reader and must read anything that finds its way under my nose. I can’t believe the article they printed last week. It was worse than my most rambling blog posts. It was just Gene saying his editor didn’t like his first article so he was going to write an article in 10 minutes. Then he wrote an article in ten minutes that had no purpose, theme or plot. Blog rambling. Not even good blog rambling. It offends me that we pay good money to the Washington Post when I should be able to get that shit for free in my Google Reader. Heck, I probably could get it for free in my Google Reader, but why would I want to? My Google Reader is reserved for people I actually enjoy reading.