Queen of Rambles

This site has been up and down and up and down and up again. If you are desperate to read about my life, my LJ almost always behaves itself. You can find it at carrieb.livejournal.com. They are saying that one of my sites is using up too much RAM because of a bad script of attacking robots or something. They sent me directions to fix it, but when you are clueless about the very first step it is not easy to fix. Maybe Mike will get it set up for me, maybe not. He’s busy building complex Lego buildings and saving Erik from the laundry basket.

Here’s my post from last night:

I feel like every molecule in my body is stretched to the limit and they are all about to snap and send me spinning out into the universe.

It’s not a good feeling.

When I’m feeling stretchy I hate being touched. Those touches could be the “ping” that sets off the explosion of molecule death. This becomes a problem when you have a three year old who loves nothing more than to climb on your back, twist your hair, kick every part of your body, and just generally invade your personal space more than you ever imagined it could be invaded.

And in between all this personal space invading, he has to touch your computer over and over and over, losing data and sending out weird e-mails to business associates.

I need a vacation far, far away from any children. I need a private desert island with a good wi-fi connection. I don’t want any monkeys, wild boars, lizards or parrots to bother me. I don’t even want any scantily clad cabana boys to fan me. I just want to be alone.

My shoulders are tense and I can feel that I need a massage, but that would lead to the whole stretchy molecule explosion thing.

My irrational screeching was getting Erik worked up more than usual at bedtime, so I decided that I would just have to pretend I was happy and not about to go completely off-kilter while he did his normal routine of crawling all over me while I try to read him a bedtime story. It worked for him, but I think it’s the first time I’ve read a bedtime story while soaking a pillow with tears.

I don’t know what my problem is. I hope I get over it because it’s no fun for me or anyone who has to be around me.

I do know a small part of it is rooted in my webhosting woes. I feel so impotent when it comes to techie problems and it makes me feel even MORE impotent when I get an e-mail from the support people saying “just do this” and I have NO FUCKING CLUE how to even do the first sentence. Apparently some evil robot is out to get me and I have to stop it but don’t know how. I always knew robots would be the end of me. They’re going to make my stretchy molecules explode.

I’ve decided on two New Year’s Resolutions for 2009. I’m going to do the Dear Jane block of the week program with the official DJ list and I’m not going to eat any sugar.

You read that right.

The year 2009 will be (mostly!) sugar free. I’ll still eat things that have a little sugar in them like bread and salad dressing and I’ll eat natural sugar like fruit, but I won’t be eating any baked goods or candy.

I think I can do this.

I NEED to do this.

At this particular moment it seems doable, but we’ll see how I’m feeling on January 2. Typically I start this no sugar program and am successful for a few weeks, then suddenly it is my birthday and I have to have cake and it is Mike’s birthday and I have to have cake and it is summer and I have to have ice cream and my pledge of no sugar is gone. This year I’m having fruit salad on my birthday. I’m going to buy myself a pretty ring instead of eating cake.

I think I have myself psyched up to do this. Maybe I should go out and buy a really sharp razor and slice off my taste buds. Not that it would help. I clearly have a mental problem and probably need therapy. Those Overeaters Anonymous groups might be just the ticket, but I don’t want to go and listen to a bunch of people talk about cake.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 28th, 2008 at 3:34 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.