Queen of Rambles

You know how there are temptations in life that you just can’t resist? You know you shouldn’t do it. You know it is totally stupid. You know it will irritate your spouse. You know it will cause a sleepless night. You know there will be pain.

Yet you have to do it anyway.

It calls to you and calls to you.

So you take safety precautions. You sneak equipment up the stairs. You try not to act too sneaky.

Then you do it. You take your x-acto knife, cover it in rubbing alcohol, and make a very small incision in your giant head lump.

And nothing happens!

You squeeze and squeeze, but only a little bit of gook comes out.

You make another cut, hit a big vein, and still nothing really happens except for a river of blood running through your hair.

Yet you persist, because you are stupid. You’ve come this far. You HAVE to do it. There’s no turning back even though your husband takes one look and turns on his heel, saying he’s tired of dealing with your popping obsession.

Just as you are about to give up, you think you’ll give it one more shot. You squeeze and squeeze and SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeee until POP!!!!!!!

A great big gob of gooky brown gunk rips out of the hole.

It is almost orgasmic.

It’s all worth it for that moment of sheer popping joy.

I surely can’t be the only person who enjoys a good zit popping. I think it is a girl thing. How many teenage girls do you see walking around with ripe zits dripping off their faces? Not that many. Usually it’s the boys who walk around in public with their white heads ready for serious popping action.

I know my head lump is not a pimple and it should only be treated by a professional, but I kept thinking of my x-acto knife and it’s super sharp ability to make a tiny little hole. I wasn’t able to get the sac out of the lump so I know it will just fill up with keratin again, but at least I reduced it to about 1/4 it’s former size and it won’t be poking out of my hair for awhile.

Plus, it was so much fun! Yeah, yeah. I’m a weirdo. Whatever. Cheap thrills, right? Unless it becomes infected and I have to go to a doctor and explain my home surgery technique.

It didn’t hurt at all while I was doing it, but it is throbbing now. If I can just keep my hands off it I think it will be fine. It was a very tiny cut.

I was so excited that I had to call my mom right away. She also gets pilar cysts (they run in families) so I thought she would understand my joy. Alas, she did not. She yelled at me and told me I was going to give myself head cancer.

My sister, however, was thrilled to hear the whole story and wanted to see. Who knew a love of pimple popping could bring together two very dissimilar sisters.

I promise I won’t try out the procedure on any of my other cysts. They are all way too tiny and don’t feel like they would be ripe for the popping. This sucker was so big you could practically see the gook through the stretched out skin.

I’m just happy to avoid the doctor for awhile. I hate having them professionally removed because they shave a great big patch of hair. I have enough self-esteem issues without a big shaved patch right in the middle of my head.

This entry was posted on Saturday, November 29th, 2008 at 5:29 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.