Queen of Rambles

Thank you to everyone who responded so kindly to last night’s money panic info. I can’t reply to anyone because I will spill the whole story in a moment of rage. I have never named Mike’s place of employment on this blog. It is a small company, so I doubt any of you have ever even heard of his company. Still, I can’t share all the bad business here. I want to. Have no doubt. It is killing me not to be able to vent properly, but I am trying to be good. Why? I have no idea. At this point the best possible thing would be for Mike to get fired straight out so he could collect unemployment and be officially released from the dilemma that is holding him there.

Today was a sucktastic day with a whole lot of suck. It was rainy. I hate rainy days. Hate hate hate. My blissful summer of too hot days spent lounging in the pool never materialized all that much. We haven’t been at the pool all week! It’s not that I love swimming, so much as I love an outdoor activity that allows Erik to have fun without whining and clinging to me while I have to stand around and sweat.

We went to the gym this morning, then to a playgroup at noon. We were home by 1:30 and had the whoooooollllllleeeeeee afternoon spread before us with nothing to do. I have been feeling very blah and stressed and evil and depressed, so instead of making the most of it I laid in bed and let Erik jump off my back several times. Then I pretended I was a dead witch who couldn’t move. Then I read him three books. Let me repeat that! I read him three books!!! This is the first time EVER that I’ve been able to get him to so much as look at a book with me, much less read three whole books with real plots. My baby is growing up!

My baby is also obsessed with making cake. Some days he is content to just stir around water and baking soda or sand, but other days he gets really insistent on making a real cake and I’m a lover of all thing sweet so it is extremely difficult to say no. Especially when Swedish Chocolate Cake is so easy and delicious. Gah! No wonder I am a big, fat cow. If I would cut out the afternoon sugar snacks, I could probably go down a size. Maybe. Bah.

Speaking of weight, Facebook has suddenly become really popular with my old college chums. I am such an introvert that I never really say hi, but I do like to look at their pictures and stuff. I am really disturbed by the number of girls who used to look perfectly normal and cute, but now look like their skin is stretched over their skull so tightly it is going to burst. They are just giant heads, staring at me. It creeps me out. I guess if I had to choose between being a creepy, giant skull or a fat ass I’d take the fat ass option. I just wish I had better clothing options. Is it sad that the lack of cute clothes is the main reason I hate being so fat?

Or at least, it is the main reason I hate being fat now. There was a time when I was depressed and super super fat that I could barely walk a block without becoming totally winded. I was in a lot of pain from my weight and was probably going to give myself a heart attack at a young age. Thankfully, I was able to crawl out of that depression (mainly by quitting my teaching job, which I hated) and get back on track with a semi-healthy lifestyle. Now I’m very fit so it really just comes down to the aesthetic of my body. On a good day (and today is oddly a good day for my self-esteem despite it being sucky in other ways), I feel very Renaissance-sexy-naked-big-boobed-curvy-lady. Talk to me in about 4 days and I’ll be crying my eyes out because I hate my fat, but today you get zen-fat-Carrie.

I stopped making sense several paragraphs ago and my eyes are seeing double from being so tired (thanks Erik and your 5 am wake-up call), so I’m thinking bed is in order. I’ll probably regret this post in the morning.

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 28th, 2008 at 8:41 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.