Queen of Rambles

My mom’s best friend died last night. We’re all pretty shook up since it was not supposed to happen this fast. She was diagnosed with lung cancer 33 days ago. Then the doctors said “no, no, that can’t be right” and decided they didn’t know what she had. Four days ago they sent her home to die, saying she had bone cancer all through her body.

She entered our family when my dad was still a teenager, though no one could predict the impact she and her husband would have on our family’s life. Her cousin was married to my dad’s brother. As a favor to her cousin, my dad was given an apprentice plumbing job when he dropped out of his first semester of college. Under the tutelage of Del and Gerri, my dad became an excellent plumber, though he never learned their secret of being an excellent family man.

Through all the rough times, Del and Gerri supported my mom and dad. Gerri threw my mom’s bridal shower and two baby showers. She completed the circle by throwing my hometown bridal shower. She would have loved to host my baby shower as well, but by that time she was having health problems and couldn’t do the party she wanted. She was still an honored guest and spoiled us with bags of little blue clothes.

Cooking was never her strong suit, but that didn’t stop her from hosting bang-up holiday dinners, graduation celebrations, sledding excursions, Superbowl parties and random “let’s get together and eat” days. She loved nothing more than a full house full of laughter.

I’ll always remember how I wanted to be just like her when I was a kid, so practiced saying “shit” in the exact tone of voice she used. Shit was her favorite word, but I always thought it sounded cute and classy coming out of her mouth. She was the type of lady who could get away with cursing in the midst of a Martha Stewart gala event. If anyone called her one it, she’d just say “Shit! I didn’t know we had to be good!” and laugh a throaty laugh.

The last two years were very painful for her because her two oldest children estranged themselves over money matters. I was really glad to hear that they all reconciled and were there at the end. For the past two years her cheerfulness gave way to grumpiness as she longed for contact with her daughter, granddaughters and great-granddaughters. If nothing else, I hope her death heals the rift and they all put their differences aside for the sake of her husband.

It is a very sad day today, knowing Gerri isn’t there anymore. She and my mom have talked on the phone nearly every single day for the past who knows how many years. I always knew that if my mom really needed something I could count on Gerri to take care of it, thus I didn’t have to worry quite as much about my mom as I will now. I don’t really mean tangible or monetary things, though I know she would have figured out a way to help my mom in any way that she could. I mean emotional things. My mom doesn’t confide in me because I don’t understand the life she chooses to lead. I want to understand, but I just don’t. I knew she had that outlet in Gerri and now it is gone. I don’t know who will step in to fill the void, but I sure wish I could be in Oregon for the next couple of weeks to help my mom deal with her grief. In many ways Gerri was like a second mother to my mom, only she was a mother that exhibited love and understanding instead of bitter critiques and craziness.

I think we are all glad that her suffering wasn’t drawn out, though we will all miss her terribly. I wanted to see her when we were in Oregon, but they live out in the country and the roads weren’t conducive to a visit. A couple of weeks ago I got some free note cards from Shutterfly and was intending to send her one because I know she would have enjoyed seeing a pic of Erik and getting a card. I wish I would have just done it instead of procrastinating.

I’m really going to miss her.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 28th, 2008 at 8:33 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.