Anyone have a crane?
I need some assistance over here. A crane might work, or a motorized chair. I can barely move! Every muscle in my body was overworked yesterday, especially the muscles of my lower back.
As I mentioned last night, my regular Latin Cardio teacher was gone, replaced with a muscular goof-ball guy. Instead of teaching Latin Cardio, he taught the new fitness sensation, Zumba. I’ve thought about going to a zumba class before because it sounds fun–basically Latin dancing with fitness thrown in–but my gym only has one class offering. Who goes to the gym Friday night at 6:30? I have no fitness ambition when I’m supposed to be eating dinner.
I was not prepared for my nice Latin Cardio class to be transformed into some kind of Latin themed boot camp. I am much stronger than I was last year at this time and had no trouble keeping up with the fitness part, even though I didn’t exactly enjoy it. We did planks, squats, kettle bells (take an 8 pound hand weight, spread your legs, take the weight above your head then drop it down between your legs. Repeat a thousand times.), fake jump roping, lunges. . . you get the idea. Some of the other class members were dropping like flies, so I felt a smug superiority that I was able to hold out on the plank the whole time.
Anyway, this wouldn’t have been bad except that the point of Zumba is to have fun like at a big dance party so the instructors don’t actually instruct you on how to dance the dancing parts. Instead, they just start dancing and you are supposed to follow along as best you can. I guess I can see how this works for some people, but I HATED it. I want to know what I’m supposed to be doing. I want the moves broken down so I can count off and put my feet in the right place and not feel like an idiot. Frankly, I’m a terrible dancer. If I know the moves I can put my feet in the right spot, but I can’t wiggle my hips or shimmy my shoulders or turn my bones into jello. I don’t have any natural moves at all and if I’m left to my own devices I’ll just stand around with drool spilling out of my mouth, staring at all the shimmy-shakers in the room.
The teacher was irritating the @!*%& out of me because he’d look me in the eye and tell me I could do aerobic moves instead of dance moves if I wanted. NO I DO NOT WANT TO! I came to a dance class because I want to pretend to dance! Dancing is fun, even if I suck. But how can I dance when the teacher is flying around the room, doing all sorts of spins and fancy moves without showing anyone how he’s doing them? How? HOW?????
We all know I have body issues and sometimes I feel picked on when I’m really not, but it felt like he was worried because I was such a fattie. He would go over to the skinny-minnies and dance with them, but he’d just kind of stare at me and tell me to do the aerobic moves. It was pissing me off and at one point I thought I was going to just start bawling because I didn’t understand anything and I hated this guy looking at me.
You know it’s bad, when I get a code brown over the intercom and am relieved to get to go change a giant poop blow-out instead of continuing in the class.
It didn’t seem like most of the other class regulars were enjoying themselves either. We kept giving each other meaningful looks, which I assumed meant “what the hell is this freak making us do?”
He was talking about getting used to the mic system and how it is always hard with a new teacher, so I am scared he is replacing our other teacher. I’m going to ask today because I don’t think I’ll go back if he’s the teacher. I would like to get an intense work-out, but I’m not going to go to a class that makes me feel like shit instead of making me feel like I’m having fun. The other teacher has never once made me feel like an idiot.
I guess I better head off to the gym for an hour on the elliptical. But first, I need someone to bring their crane over here and lift me up. I hope the exercise loosens me up.
October 29th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Code Brown? Hilarious.
AS for the rest, other people suck. So does exercise!