Queen of Rambles

I’ve decided that I never want to decapitate someone and store their head in the back of my car. Not only would it be messy, with every turn and touch of the break, I’d be reminded of the wet, squishy, dead-head in the trunk. I don’t need that kind of complication in my life.

Today Erik and I went to a big pumpkin festival with the Moms Group. Admission included two pumpkins, so I had two of the danged things rolling around in the back all the way home. The first time they rolled, I thought I’d run over someone until I realized round, heavy, fleshy objects don’t like erratic driving.

Not that I would ever drive erratically, of course, but when I start my career as serial killer I’ll be sure to get one of those nifty SUVs with grocery corral in the back end.

I love pumpkin festivals and fall harvests and Halloween. Love love love! I, however, do not love pumpkin festivals that happen in middle of summer. I know my calendar says we’re barreling on up to November, but I thought I was going to die from heat stroke out in the combine/slide. By the way, if you ever own a farm and decide to retro-fit your combine with a slide for children, please don’t. Just don’t. It’s fun for older kids, but when it’s sitting out where the two year olds can climb up it, you’re asking for trouble. There is no safety net. The mother’s can’t keep the kid from falling off the very high drop on the top and catch them when they slide down the slide at the same time. There’s no way to see in there, and there is no room for an adult to climb up. Please, come to your senses, oh great pumpkin provider, and get rid of that damned thing. It’s a good thing random daycare workers don’t mind manhandling kids who don’t belong to them or Erik would have ate dirt when he fell off the slide several times today.

I hope the weather cools down this weekend because I’d really like to take Mike back out to the farm and show him how a pumpkin festival is done. I don’t want to take another hayride in the mid-80-degree weather. Nor do I want to deal with another overheated, hungry child all on my own. The great thing about the farm is that it is full of photo-ops. The bad thing about a moms’ group outing is that all the moms are wrangling their own gear, plus their child and no one has the luxury of snapping photos. Getting cute, candid shots is a two person job.

That said, I did upload a few of the pics from today over at my flickr page. Sorry I’m too lazy to post any here, but it is about an hour past my bedtime and I am trying to make this quick. It’s not easy being the ramble queen when you have pictures and things you want to ramble about, but you know you need to go to bed!

My post-Oregon good mood finally wore off today. Erik started the day demanding cake. While I got ready for our outing, he laid on the bathroom floor and did his little temper tantrum thing, screaming for cake. He never did get any because cake is not an appropriate breakfast for a toddler (or anyone, but I didn’t have cake for breakfast this morning either). He was pissed at me all morning due to the cake infractions and wouldn’t obey me during the outing. How is a woman supposed to carry two pumpkins, a toddler and a diaper bag?

At one point during the day he went into a little castle that was way too small for adults to enter. Instead of playing in it like a nice little kid, he had to climb the ladder to the top like a big boy. Would he come down the slide? No. Would he come back down the ladder? No. Would he come down the pole? Thank dog, no, since he has no idea how to slide down a pole, though he did give me a heart attack.

Eventually I had to squeeze my way into the castle and yell his name a hundred time, much to the annoyance of everyone else in the place (I guess. I know it annoyed me). He was screaming and wouldn’t come to me, but I finally managed to get him).

Then we came home and it was more cake fits.

We are never having birthday cake again if it makes him beg for cake for days afterwards!

I did a bunch of freelance work, then Erik came up, touched the computer, and renamed my files with a single click of the mouse. How? I have no effin’ clue. The kid is lucky he’s still alive. I thought I might stroke out. Mike thought the neighbors might call CPS. Erik thought we were playing a hilarious game of “Who Can Yell the Loudest.” Is it a good thing he laughs his fool little head off when I get mad at him? I guess it’s better than the alternative, where he cries if I even look at him funny.

The freelance gig is stressing me out pretty badly because of certain aspects that I can’t discuss. I think I need to go hole myself up in a cabin in the woods this weekend and do nothing but work. Too bad the price of such an adventure would probably eat up my paycheck.

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow I will go to the gym and get out all the stress and frustration. The gym will solve everything. That’s my mantra. The gym. Must. Get. To. The Gym.

ETA: I just had to show a picture of the Combine Slide of Death. See that big green piece of machinery in the background? The kids climb up that giant, holey staircase, go around the corner and slide down a steep drop.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 17th, 2007 at 10:08 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.