Queen of Rambles

I feel like I can’t spend time posting tonight because it’s 10:30 and Erik is still screaming. Mike is exhausted. I am exhausted. Boyo should be exhausted. He doesn’t seem to know it.

One spectacular tip: If you need a job, just buy a ticket to visit me. You’ll be offered a job within 48 hours. At least that’s how it has happened for my mom the last two times she’s planned a visit out here. The owner of the company she was working for pulled a lot of strings and found her a job with one of his clients. It sounds like a much better position than she was in and it pays better. They are even letting her take her trip out here. I’m very relieved. Frankly, I was worried someone might end up dead or in prison if she had to spend 24 hours a day with my dad.

One dose of stress: We decided to keep Mosaic Minds alive. We’ve been on hiatus, but it’s time to gear up and start getting things ready for the next issue. I’m dreading it and really wishing I wouldn’t have let emotions rule the day. We’ve committed to four more issues over the course of the next year. If they cause a lot of stress I think that will probably be the end. We do have three new staff members if I ever get off my butt and e-mail them about being staff members. I better do that tomorrow and start getting into the groove. In order for this to happen we are in need of submissions. We need short fiction that reflects any theme and personal essays that somehow relate to the theme Illusions. Please e-mail all submissions to me at carrieATmosaicmindsDOTnet.

One ounce of despair: I put on my shorts from last summer. They were kind of loose by the end of last summer. I can barely get them buttoned this year. I can’t even begin to explain the kind of depression and despair this sends me in to. I am so depressed I can’t even work up the vigour to angrily declare I’m going to cut off my stomach. It just seems to wrong and so unfair that I eat right and exercise and it does NO GOOD. Yes, my muscles are toned and I like that a lot. Yes, I have better balance and can do a lot of things I couldn’t do before. Bottom line, though, I’m still fat. I will always be fat. I accept that, yet there is always the small kernel of hope that someday I will be able to shop in the non-fat section of the store. The hope died today, I think.

One great big slice of yummy: I was so depressed that I made a batch of the brownies that Sweet Pickles recommended (recipe in the comments of this entry). They are decadent and fantastic and amazing. They also made me sick. Tonight I was in the worst mood I’ve been in for a month. Mike blames the sugar. He’s probably right. I have to avoid it in the future.

Erik won’t quit screaming so I have to cut this short.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 27th, 2007 at 7:44 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.