Queen of Rambles

When I was a teacher I could freak out the students by telling them I had eyes in the back of my head. Depending on their age and gullibility they’d often believe me. The truth was a lot less interesting–I have super hearing.

Super hearing doesn’t help me much with stealthy crawling boy. I turn around and BAM! he’s in the dishwasher, clutching his ever present golf ball. I guess the door must be pretty strong since it has to support the bottom rack of dishes but I still don’t think I should be letting my kid try to give himself a bath in a major appliance. I really need to get the patented Mother’s Back of Head Eyeball set, but I’m not sure where the secret mother store is located.

Believe me, the kid needs lots of baths these days. He has learned he has a tongue so instead of eating he sticks things in his mouth then pushes them back out with his tongue. I thought feeding him was messy before, but that’s when I was an innocent young thing. Now he requires a bath after every meal. He does eat a lot of chive and onion cream cheese, but have you smelled a kid covered in old cream cheese? It’s not pleasant. Not pleasant at all. Go ahead and rub some into your neck folds then smell yourself an hour later. You’ll be disgusted.

In other, possibly more disturbing news, I think I’m addicted to Tums Cocoa and Creme Smoothies. I’m detoxing from my trip to sugar-land, but Tums aren’t candy. They are medication and they contain lots of calcium. They’re good for me, right? Is it pathetic that I am using chalky heart burn tablets to satisfy my sweet tooth? It’s probably not healthy at all. I looked to see how many calories they had but I guess they don’t have to provide that information since they aren’t meant to be eaten just for fun. I really wish there was a way to permanently disable my sweet tooth.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 27th, 2006 at 8:21 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.