Queen of Rambles

I woke up with a decidedly alien look this morning. At first I didn’t notice. I just thought my face felt tight, but I didn’t have time to look in the mirror and examine every molecule of flesh. Funny how the flesh molecule examining goes right out the window when you have a baby to care for. Instead of agonizing over ever filled pore and red speckle, I have to work hard just to remember to flush the toilet.

This morning was even more stressful than most. MisterE is getting very good at pulling up, but I didn’t really think of the ramifications of that when I sat him on the bathroom floor while I tried to take care of business. I don’t want to be crude, but I think I’m going to have to be if you want to get the full impact of just how insane motherhood can be. Apparently I have not been eating enough fiber, so I was paying for it this morning. MisterE was crawling around, having a fine old time getting into all sorts of trouble. Suddenly he was at the toilet and pulling up. Before I had time to think, he fell down and thwacked his eye on the toilet. He’s sporting a nasty shiner. As you can imagine, he screamed bloody murder, so I had to swoop him up and try to comfort him while still sitting on the toilet wishing something exciting would happen. He was so upset that nursing seemed to be the only thing that might comfort him. Nursing while sitting on the toilet is not an easy task. I will now make it my life long mission to give swirlies to anyone who believes women should breastfeed in the bathroom.

That lovely little scenario explains why it was mid-morning before I had a chance to look in the mirror and discover the Minbar homeworld would be calling for me at any moment. I wonder if they’ll let me drive the spaceship. It can’t be that complicated, can it?

My forehead was swollen. It wasn’t just a little puffy. Oh no. I had about a two inch circle of extreme alienness right above my nose. It caused my eyebrows to shift to a weird angle and the whole thing freaked me out. I immediately consulted my good friend, Dr. Google, and he told me to call a real doctor immediately. I had visions of my head exploding or my nose somehow falling off. It was not pretty.

I don’t know why Dr. Google got so excited. I talked to the nurse and my alien face was a natural side effect of my surgery. I was injected with a bunch of liquid lidocaine and the liquid had to go somewhere. Since it was injected in middle of my forehead, it just drained down to the lowest point and pooled right above the bridge of my nose. It will eventually all be absorbed into my body and I will no longer represent the people of Minbar.

I suppose I am overreacting somewhat. Mike didn’t notice until I pointed it out, but after I had him look closely he exclaimed, with no prompting from me, that I looked like an alien. I doubt anyone else would notice, but when you’ve been staring at your own face for 32 years you know when things just aren’t right.

Despite my freakish good looks, I took Erik to the pool again today. I met up with a couple of the other mother’s in my group and it was a lot more fun than going with just the boy. I love him to pieces but he isn’t the most brilliant conversationalist in the world. I do have to brag a little, though, and say he is much more interested and engaged than the other two babies who went swimming today. And, of course, he’s much cuter too. I’m such a typical mother. He could eat his own turds and I’d think he was brilliant.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 24th, 2006 at 8:37 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.