Adventures in Miscommunication
I often forget that I live in a bi-cultural household. Mike has integrated into American society with very few glitches. He speaks almost perfect English. He doesn’t insist on shopping at Ikea or eating raw fish*. He doesn’t even insist on walking to the grocery store.
I’m always thrown for a loop when we have conversations like the following:
Me, eyeing the graham crackers he has sitting next to him: Could you bring me a cracker.
Him: Do you want cheese?
Me, thinking he just didn’t hear me: No, I want a cracker.
Him: Do you want cheese?
Me, getting irritated: No, I want a GRAHAM cracker.
Him, getting testy: Do you want CHEESE.
Me: GRAHAM CRACKER.
Him: Do you want CHEESE on your GRAHAM CRACKER.
Me, utterly perplexed: Ewwwwwww! Are you insane? Will you eat anything? Gross gross gross! Why would you do that? WHY WHY WHY?
Him: Why not?
He then proceeded to eat graham crackers with laughing cow cheese on them. There’s just something not right with that boy’s taste buds.
In other news, I had my bumpectomy today. It went much better than my bumpectomy of five years ago, probably because the surgery was performed by a dermatologist and not a nurse practitioner. There’s nothing wrong with nurse practitioners, but she clearly had some sort of problem and couldn’t stop the bleeding. She called in an OB/GYN who said, and I quote(!!!) “but I don’t like blood.” My last surgery took about an hour. This surgery took two and a half Willie Nelson songs. I never knew I liked Willie, but the songs were very mellow. I’d go so far as to say they were the perfect no-stress surgery songs. There was just something incongruous about my very dapper Chinese dermatologist groovin’ out to Willie.
I need to buy an Easy Bake oven. Then I could have a little mini-cake whenever I wanted. Sure, the cake mixes are probably kind of nasty. I remember really liking them as a kid, but my taste has evolved somewhat. Just think, though. If we had a gas leak and couldn’t bake in our oven I could whip out the Easy Bake and get that light bulb smokin’. Wouldn’t it be hilarious to host an Easy Bake Oven party? I could make up a bunch of little cakes and we could eat them and everyone would think I was nuts.
Hmmmm. On second thought, I guess a bunch of little cakes are called cupcakes and don’t require a special oven. Does anyone have a recipe for a single cupcake? That’s what I need. Or maybe I just need to cut out my tongue so I’ll stop craving sweets.
Can you imagine how poor eunuchs must feel? I’m sure they must have the craving for sex, but they can never ever have it. I’d think I’d have to kill myself.
Now I want sex and a cupcake. I also want to see the next episode of Battlestar Galatica! We just finished season one and it was electrifying. Oh Netflix, how I adore thee. At least that craving will be satisfied in three days.
*I am never going to be convinced that fish can be cooked by simply soaking it in lemon juice.
May 23rd, 2006 at 6:23 am
I don’t have a single-serving recipe, but I can tell you that denser cupcakes like carrot or dense chocolate do freeze well, un-iced.
May 23rd, 2006 at 7:44 am
Google easy bake oven recipes and you’ll find lots of home made recipes - perfect for you single cake! some are even adapted for the big ovem
May 23rd, 2006 at 8:32 am
I have a nine year old daughter who has now baked a zillion easy-bake oven thingies. They’re all naaasty. Burnt on the outside and raw in the center.
You could make up cake batter but only bake one ‘cake’ at a time in a toaster oven when you’d like one? I know, I just slapped myself for you.
Cheese & graham crackers. Yuck.
Hubby and I had a BSG marathon event (season 1 & 2) last month. I haven’t stopped saying ‘frack’ since.
May 23rd, 2006 at 9:27 am
There’s a great book called “Small Batch Baking” that is full of recipes to make single-serving desserts, and other things. You make a cake (or maybe 2) using a soup can. Check it out, its worth it!
May 23rd, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Want to be my Netflix friend? :o)
Email me.
May 24th, 2006 at 7:58 pm
Ewwww on the cheese! I introduced my husband to s’mores and he looked at me like I was insane. We tried to make them when camping in Scandinavia with some very interesting results. I couldn’t find graham crackers (decidedly an American invention) only some sort of biscuit (sweetened cookie). I finally did find a pack of Jet-Puff marshmallows imported from the states (another very American invention) but they were stale and a bit stiff. I will give the Scandies extra points on the chocolate – it was much better there!