Queen of Rambles

I’ve been reading all sorts of information about babies and I’ve come to the conclusion that this kid wants to eat some real food. My plan, back when I thought I was going to be in control of this child and his actions, was to hold off food until he was six months old. It seemed like it was the healthier option. It was definitely the cheaper option. There seemed to be absolutely no advantage of starting a baby on cereal at four months even though it is “allowed,” other than a cute photo op. Every thing I’ve read emphatically states that eating food will NOT help the baby sleep any longer, and he really doesn’t have a problem sleeping anyway.

My how things change. For his four month birthday I’m going to buy a box of rice cereal and see how he likes it.

You see, there are certain signs that show food readiness in babies. They act interested in food. They don’t seem satisfied after slurping up a meal. They don’t tongue thrust. Check. Check. And check. My baby boy is ready to experiment. He’s almost grown! Next it will be girls and mohawks and fast cars.

Excuse me while I go sob in my pillow.

When they handed me my little baby, I looked at him and my heart exploded in a symphony of love. I didn’t know it was possible to feel love so deeply and so strongly. I had the naive notion that Mike would still be first and foremost in my heart and the baby would be second to that. I had no idea that I would throw myself off a cliff if I thought it would help save my baby from whatever was threatening him. Heck, if I thought it would help him I would even walk down the fish aisle at Wal-Mart–no easy task for a crazy fish-a-phobe like myself. I had no idea that I would be so overwhelmed. I had no idea a big head in a burrito blanket could capture my heart.

At that moment I knew I had reached the pinnacle of love. I couldn’t go any higher. My heart couldn’t possibly have the capacity to love any more.

The night he was born, I mourned the fact that he would grow up. I mourned the fact that one day he would walk and talk and wouldn’t be my little blankety bundle. I mourned the fact that he would grow up. How was I going to love him when he got bigger? How could I love the evil child that would take over my baby?

It’s only been fifteen weeks since he entered our family and our hearts, but my heart has already outgrown all prior restraints. Every single day it inches out a little further, filling itself up with more love than I know what to do with. Every smile bring a growing pang. Every giggle adds a richness to my emotions. Every raspberry makes me a bigger person, more capable of love.

I no longer mourn his newbornness. Every day he shows me more of who he is, more of who he will become. Every day our relationship deepens and grows.

How is it possible to love someone so much?

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 26th, 2006 at 6:03 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.