How do people do this?
It has been an extremely trying 24 hours. Erik has not been happy. His nose was a little stuffy, which led to a little diarrhea, which led to nursing almost Every Single Hour. That’s a whole lot of nursing and a whole lot of no sleep. Even when it’s going well, which it is most of the time, nursing is fairly exhausting. I don’t see how people have the motivation to continue when it’s not going well. I’m not going to throw in the towel, but it sure is tempting. And please, I do not need any advice regarding this (or the care of his medical problems. We are not letting him dehydrate and die while we watch because the Internets haven’t helped us). I am not going to quit. I am just venting my frustrations and saying I understand why people do quit. Having a little mouth attached to your booby for half the day and all the night gets old after a while. It’s not painful or anything, just extremely uncomfortable and tiring.
Honestly, I don’t know how single moms handle a new baby. Or how people handle multiples. I would be in a world of hurt over here if I wasn’t married to the best husband in the history of the world. What did women do back in the old days when their husbands weren’t expected to help at all? I guess that was before we were such a mobile society so they probably had a lot of help from their family members.
That’s all I’ve got to give today. I still have an article I need to write for MM. Can’t believe I haven’t done that yet and I’m wondering if it is even worth doing. I’m so tired that I doubt I can make much sense. It seems like every time I sit down to seriously get to work on it, Erik wakes up and wants to nurse. I have yet to master one-handed typing. I type 90 wpm yet I don’t really know where all the keys on the keyboard are. Touch typing is so brainless that I can seem to engage my brain when it comes to forgetting about home row.
And there goes the wails of baby again. . .
October 30th, 2005 at 6:56 pm
My very favorite aunt, who was the only person I have ever known who nursed the full year, said to me on the phone – they do just suck the life right out of you, don’t they? I was like, yeah, woman, you understand where I am at right now. Hang in there, Carrie! It’s two forward, one back for a while, but it does get easier.
October 30th, 2005 at 7:02 pm
I feel your pain Carrie. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to be a single mom but I do know what it’s like to have multiples.My sons are twins, they were my first. They were so much easier than a single child and believe me I’m no supermom. My other son and daughter were much more difficult. When the boys were babies I was lucky that they’d sleep and wake at the same time, most of the time. The only time it was difficult was when they were sick and would get a high fever. I remember us having to bath them in tepid water every hr or so till their fever went down, and with two it was one right after the other all night. But other than that i really think twins were much easier. They kept eachother occupied where as my single children seemed to require so much more attention from us. As for the breastfeeding, I breast fed the boys till they were 18 months and I still don’t know how I managed to do it that long. I don’t think it was just that I had good boys because I the majority of the moms in the multiples club who have other children also think multiples are easier. Being a mom really is the hardest job on earth. When I went back to work I felt so guilty and when I stayed home with my daughter I missed work and felt guilty for missing it. There are some people who will judge you for not having a life or ambition if you stay home and if you work you’re jugded for sacrificing your kids for your own needs. For whatever reasons some moms just can’t I wonder how many husbands feel this way? Same for breastfeeding. I had a friend who for psychological reasons just couldn’t breast feed. She was made to feel like such a horrible mother because of it. The sad part of it is I think we women are so quick to judge other women.
October 30th, 2005 at 7:26 pm
I hope that he feels better very soon so that you can get some sleep.
October 30th, 2005 at 11:41 pm
as you know, I’ve got it all…single mom of twins! Struck the jackpot with that one. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it a million more times, you do what you have to do. It doesn’t make me a saint (we Jews don’t do saints), it makes me a person who has a responsibility to my kids and I take that seriously. But I was tired and pissy and annoyed at nursing all day long, too. And I went well over a year!
My suggestion is to lay in bed with Erik. Don’t even bother getting up except to pee. You can sleep through nursing once he latches on, and if he’s only using you as a pacifier, wellllllll…. you might consider hitting the baby store and picking up a few of different brands and see if that helps soothe him. My guess is, he’s waking up now and being what he’s going to be like for the next few months. Newborns don’t have advanced neurological systems so they tend to feel more, hear more, and are much more sensitive than we are. He might be begging for some Mylecon drops due to something you’re eating that he can’t tolerate. It might be that he has silent reflux and needs some Zantac or Tagamet. YOu just have to figure out what he wants because he’s not going to tell you other than to cry. It’s so unfair…
Really, lay down with him, and let him nurse nonstop. YOu doze through it, watch trash TV, read a book, whatever. He’ll be happier, and at least you’ll be laying down.
Forget the housework, forget everything except keeping Erik happy and hydrated. Call the pediatrician if you’re worried. They’re used to new moms worrying and it IS their job, after all (says the daughter of a pediatrican!).
Hugs.
October 31st, 2005 at 2:43 am
I feel for you, even though I’ve never had children. When my nephew was 4 months old I was staying and offered to babysit AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE while I was there, because his mum looked so bloody tired and had grown a whole bunch of new gray hairs. It shocked me, how she looked, and I thought nobody should do all that alone.
She jumped at the chance and was out most of the time between feeds, and I babysat. For two weeks. By the end of two weeks I was reading trashy romances and had no brain left. This kid was REALLY DEMANDING. He lasted about two minutes without attention, and then he’d start screaming. He was ugly, too. (I should add that the next one wasn’t like that at all – it seems to be something they’re born like. Or not. And the first turned into a sweet and lovely-looking toddler.)
He’d just got his Jolly Jumper (a present from me – clever, eh?), and I quickly learned that the best way to get him to calm down for any length of time was to hang him in a tree. The moment his mother was out of sight I took him outside and hung him in the tree, and he’d watch the leaves moving in the breeze, fascinated – and I’d do the dishes, vacuum a bit, and read another chapter of a trashy romance.
At the end of two weeks I knew I’d be a horrible mother. I’d hang ALL my kids in a tree, and leave them there.
But you can do it. You are realistic. I thought babies were cute until I met my nephew, and found the whole thing rather disturbing (yes I loved him, but god he was awful, how do mothers COPE?), but you seem to have a far more sensible attitude.
October 31st, 2005 at 7:15 am
Hang in there! as Erik growns and his head gets a little bigger it’s easier to nurse laying down – so you can sleep or have him on the boppy without using your hands at all.. then you can type voer him or you can sit in a recliner with it back and he can nurse while you sleep/doze whatever if you ar euncomfrotable having him in bead with you. I know it’s hard when their heads are so tiny and your breasts are so large at first! I never did figure out the nursing while laying down bit til boy 3 but the nursing without using hands and sitting at the computer- got it down pat with boy 1!
Also you might want to lok into La Leache League meetings. they arent the hippy granola things of the past. sometiems it’;s nice to have a situation where you can just chat with moms who are BTDT or doing it right now! I met my best friend at LLL when our sons were 2 weeks old.
Hang in there!
October 31st, 2005 at 9:09 am
No advice here, but I’m proud of you.
Wanted to stop by and say Happy Halloween too!!!