Queen of Rambles

My husband’s leaving me. I’m totally depressed and lonely. He takes off for France via Sweden tomorrow and will be gone a whole week. What am I supposed to do with myself for a whole week?

And he probably isn’t even going to take full advantage of his two days in Sweden, which makes it all the more depressing. I have been having major, major cravings for a Swedish pizza with ham, bananas, curry and pineapple and a major craving for a specific brand of tandori chicken that doesn’t taste at all like tandoori chicken (kind of like how the pizza doesn’t taste at all like pizza). He is going to be in Sweden. He will have access to these things. Will he eat them? No! What a waste! He’s staying with his dad, so he’ll have several meals of ground moose patties with lignon berry jam. Gag. If I thought I was going to get good food I might just go with him, but the cross-Atlantic trip just isn’t worth it when all I get is a damned moose patty.

This is a work trip for him and the trip to Sweden is just a bonus deal. He’ll be spending most of the week in business meetings in France, probably eating snails or something equally disgusting. Of course, at this moment in my life I find most foods disgusting. I am not sick anymore, but I just can’t ever think of anything that I actually want to eat, other than Suzy-Qs and ice cream. I know how to grow a healthy baby, don’t I?

Speaking of ice cream, I got the Best Coupon Ever at Safeway today: One Free Pint of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream, no strings attached. It’s not buy one get one free, it’s not spend XXX and get a pint free. It’s simply walk in, hand over the coupon and get a little pint of heaven. I guess something good does come out of those shoppers cards that track your spending habits. I have to admit that for a few weeks I was eating four pints of B&J a week. I actually lost weight on this diet, mainly because the ice cream was the only thing I was eating at all. Then I started eating again and had to put the ice cream on hold. I’m sure the Safeway computer is wondering what happened to the world’s biggest hog. It’s trying to suck me back in and it will probably work. I have no self control.

But why are we talking about ice cream? We are talking about how lonely and depressed I am going to be next week and how to combat the feelings of abandonment I went to Orbitz and booked a trip to Oregon so I can be at my nephew’s first birthday party. But then I thought about poor Mike being alone here in DC for a whole week all by himself and I got sad and depressed. I don’t want to leave him for another week! He just laughed at me and told me to go. In fact, I think his exact words were “better you than me” as he cackled with glee. For some reason he doesn’t like to visit my family. Could it be because all they do is plan the next meal? Should we go to Mexican Restaurant A or Mexican Restaurant B? Every day it’s the same emergency. A is better, B is cheaper. What to do, what to do? Or maybe he just tires of being licked to death by an overly friendly, gigantic yellow lab. Or maybe he doesn’t like being the boyfriend of a big, fat basset/chow/weirdo dog who likes to jump on his lap and lay there. She probably weighs more than he does.

At least I know my mom is going to be excited. She’s been telling everyone that I’m coming in July, so this will make her think she’s a fortune teller. She’s desperate to throw me a baby shower, and frankly I’m desperate to avoid the baby shower she might throw, but I guess it won’t kill me to go along with it. I’m sure the baby will get some cute stuff, but I just hate having practical strangers give me things.

And now I better go to bed and rest up for my last two days of first grade. Today was actually not all that bad. I put on my meanest Viola Swamp face and had taken away recess from the two worst offenders within 45 minutes of the start of school. I hate doing that since I want them to run around and get rid of their energy, and if I take away their recess so early I really have nothing else to hold over their heads, but it had to be done. The other kids quickly figured out the way the wind was blowing and were almost perfect little angels. I ended up sending the worst little boy out of class for the last hour of the day because I was starting to fantasize about taking his head and slamming it into the wall. That’s never healthy or good. Usually little kids who have such behavior problems have a horrible home life and just need a lot of love, but I think this kid has a chemical imbalance and needs to be placed in a special school. I’ve only seen behavior like his when subbing in class for SED kids and when taking a tour of a school designed especially for the most troublesome SED kids. He is just really hard to help because he has zero emotional connection with anyone around him and he has no moral compunction about anything. I believe if he was older he’d be called a sociopath, though I’m not sure on the exact labelling. He’s scary. That’s all I know.

On a more upbeat topic. . .

If you haven’t heard yet, the latest issue of Mosaic Minds has gone live. We’ve added a couple of new columnists and took out some things that weren’t working, so I hope you like it. We have some really great pieces this time and I’m really proud of all the people who help put this together. It is not easy to keep a project like this going long term since the initial excitement wears off very quickly when faced with so much work, but we’ve been at it for over a year and are still going strong.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 15th, 2005 at 6:11 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.