Queen of Rambles

I was stumbling around in our walk-in closet, just trying to find a pair of pants. Things were askew. Actually, more accurately, things were not askew. Thus, I couldn’t find any pants. The Laundry Nazi had secretly organized my mass chaos, throwing me for a loop or three. I finally found my pants, very neatly creased and hung UPSIDE DOWN. It was really an ingenious way to do it, but I’ve never seen pants hung in such a way and it kind of creeped me out because maybe the Laundry Nazi was saying he wanted to hang me upside down? Or maybe this means I am going to get one of those cool gravity table flippy things for my birthday! That sounds a little more sane.

Anyway, as I was stumbling around, trying to get ready, I discovered my emergency “terrorists have gassed the city, get in your hidey-hole” stash and I’m sad to report that if I need to report to my hidey-hole, I’m probably going to die very quickly.

Here’s what you are supposed to have in your hidey-hole (in a location with no windows, preferably no exterior walls, and very few doors. Thus, our walk-in closet).

–Lots of non-perishable foods
–battery powered radio with extra batteries
–one gallon of water per person for X amount of days
–duct tape
–plastic sheeting
–first aid kit
–supply of medication
–blankets

And maybe some other stuff. I don’t quite recall because it’s been 8 months since I read this in our “welcome wagon” materials and decided I must lay in our emergency supply post haste.

So here’s what we’ve currently got:

–2 gallons of water
–blankets (since it’s where we store our extra linens)

I think we really only need one additional piece of equipment: a pistol. Then we can just shoot each other and end the misery of painful-death-by-biological-weapon.

Fresh produce doesn’t keep well in an emergency hidey-hole anyway, right? And if you eat canned pork-n-beans your just asking for a slow death anyway.

Most of the time I manage to remain un-freaked out about the state of the world and our proximity to Washington, DC. Then there are days when it catches me by the throat and I try to imagine myself leading a covert group of rebels, surviving purely by our wits and spunky attitude. Then reality sets in and I know I’d never be the hero. I’d be the fat lady the hero finds and takes with him in a bid to save her life, only I’d trip at the wrong time and be consumed by flesh eating monster. Then I’d turn into a zombie and kill people.

I really don’t understand why Mike tells me I have an overactive imagination.

Anyhoo. . . time to eat some lunch and prepare to head out. I’m doing the chemistry class that I’ve done before and don’t expect a single little speck of excitement, unless it’s a red day. Then that will mean one of the Supreme Nerds Who Needs a Shower tries to sneak out of class early and will threaten to sue me if I don’t let him. Little shit head. The last two times I’ve had him, I’ve made him stay in the classroom until everyone else has cleared out because he tried that sneaky crap. Don’t these children know I have eyes in the back of my head?

This entry was posted on Monday, January 24th, 2005 at 8:15 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.