Cranky, weepy, salty, chocolatey and full of acid!
[Before we get to the real entry, I just want to point out that Marie made the Dala horse pattern for me. Very sweet of her. She’s a very talented person in all aspects. She amazes me. Also, I am really not sure of the underlying significance of the Dala horse. There is an area in Sweden called Dalarna and the craftsmen there make these orange horses. They are very, very popular all over the country and are kind of a symbol of Sweden. If you go there you have to buy a Dala horse. That’s about all I know. Here’s a link that has more info than I have. I should read it now that I’ve found it.]
It is not a good day. No, no. Not a good day at all. Nothing bad has happened, but I am on an emotional roller coaster. I want salt. Specifically I want some greasy, salty breakfast sausages. I want chocolate. In fact, I bought a candy bar and ate it and then started weeping about it. I want to kill someone. I want to cry. And I had meatballs for dinner, so now I’ve got a bad case of acid in the gut.
Sometimes it’s miserable being a woman. I guess it is PMS though it seems a little early for that. ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I spent my whole water aerobics class being so irritated that I thought I was going to burst out of my own skin. We had an excellent new teacher but they decided she needed to be in the business office full time and now we are back to the snotty teenager who thinks the world revolves around her. I composed a horrible complaint letter about her in my head, but I know I won’t send it. On a rational level I can see she isn’t that bad, though she’s not good either. Something about her just makes me want to scratch her eyes out.
Then I got all weepy about it and was blubbering in the pool. Then I got angry at my mom. I have no idea where this anger comes from. She’s not done anything to make me angry, but sometimes when I think about her I just get mad for no reason. I guess I probably have some stupid psychological problem with her moving away here right after we moved back. I logically and rationally don’t think I have a problem, but maybe it is deep under the layers of my soul. I know she needed to get down there and take care of my sister. I know it is the best for everyone. It really is. My sister would have had zero support if my mom wouldn’t have hustled her butt down there. She needs someone there to help her learn how to care for Braxton, both for her own sake and the baby’s. I think Lexie is staying at my mom’s house pretty much permanently anyway right now.
I actually had a sort of mini-fight with her today though it was very, very mini. She was pissed at my dad for only sending her $20,000 out of a $25,000 loan she talked him in to taking out against the house. In the past I was always on her side about everything, but in this I just can’t be. I am awed and amazed at just how foolish she is when it comes to finances. She said the $20,000 would barely pay off her credit card debt! I thought I was in deep doodoo when I was up to $4000. I want her to be happy and I don’t want her to live in poverty, but now that I’ve gotten to know my dad I’ve discovered that things were not always as they seemed. She used to get so pissed that he wouldn’t let her get a credit card and now I see why. She used to tell me he was stupid and half-way retarded, but I can clearly see that he is very intelligent when he is not drinking. She really demeans his arrowhead collection and I always had the same attitude–it was a stupid waste. Now that I’ve had a chance to really look at them and talk about them with him I can see that it is pretty darned amazing. I know he did a lot of things wrong in his marriage, but in many ways she allowed it to happen. She was very co-dependent with him and she’s just transferred that to my sister.
All I can say is Thank the Powers that Be for Mike! I am so glad that I know I have a husband who will always support me and never treat me badly. When I have a baby he will be right there holding my hand. My mom won’t be the one cutting the cord. My sister is now referring to her male friend as “jerk face” and is quite disappointed to see that the baby appears to be his (some weird bump on the ear that all the males in his family have).
I am starting to get over my crankiness now. Sometimes I think I should stop using this blog as my emotional spewing place and try to be a better writer, but then I think “what’s the point in that?” I started this as an emotional spewing place and if people want to read it they can. I have met some really great people through the spewing. That sounds nasty, doesn’t it?
I do have some more details about little Braxton. I really can’t wait to see him! He was two weeks early and weighed in at 8 pounds, 6 1/2 ounces. He was 21 1/2 inches long. He is “the cutest baby ever born.” My sister informs me that she knows everyone says that about their baby, but in this case it’s really true. He apparently looks just like a Badorek baby, exactly like Lexie and Dad. I guess Badorek babies have a kind of special look. I remember when Lexie was about a year old some old woman came up to us in a restaurant and asked if she was a Badorek baby. She turned out to be some step-aunt-cousin type of person. She’d never met my mom before, so she was solely going off the looks of a baby. Weird, huh?
Ok, now I’m off to read some Jeffery Deaver. I finally finished Moonspeaker by K. D. Wentworth and can’t say I recommend it. It took me three months to finish. Good books take me less than three days.
July 9th, 2004 at 8:24 am
Hang in there! You’re in it for the long haul and being healthy is always a work in progress and has its ups and downs. I read a fabulous book called “HEALING WITH WHOLE FOODS” by Paul Pitchford (make sure it’s the revised edition). The first three chapters help you to “diagnose” your health problems by how you feel — i.e., temperature of the body, body moisture, etc. — and gives you guidance as to what your body needs. The three things I changed after reading the book is (1) eating things with salt — such as corn chips with salt. Having battled weight issues, I thought salt was bad for me but after reading the book I realized I needed salt (because of my digestive problems). But not iodized salt, sea salt. Hours after I reintroduced salt into my diet, my distended stomach caved, and I stopped having perpetual stomach aches. (2) eating GOOD fats. I no longer avoid fats and feel and look a million times better. Aside from not worrying about fats when eating lean meats, I eat avocados (lots), flax-seed oil, olive oil (lots) and don’t worry when I have dairy fats on occasion (3) I try to stay away from foods that are processed with chemicals (buying organic produce and free range meats). It seems a little extreme but I’m really glad I did this because I get healthier and feel better all the time, so the times when I “fall off the wagon” and eat a bunch of chocolate, sugar, and junk, my body is healthier and can process it all without throwing me into hormonal hell. This has been a 10-year process since reading the book but it has changed my life.
Pitchford recommends that you eat more of a vegetarian lifestyle, combining foods to get complete proteins. I, on the other hand, feel much better when I eat meat at every meal (I need a lot of protein – even my doctor who is vegan tells me so). However, I have friends who read the book and follow his recommendations to the “T” and have lost weight and feel fabulous (hmmm. Maybe I should try it!).
Also, don’t feel bad about using your blog as an emotional spewing place. It makes your readers feel not so crazy knowing that we too go through the emotional ups and downs. You have a lot going on in your life with your mom, dad, sister, nephew, husband, the move, your own personal issues, etc. It’s a good thing that you’re feeling your emotions, working them out, and sharing them with the world rather than storing them up until one day you explode. This is real life stuff and you seem to be doing a great job in dealing with it all!
July 9th, 2004 at 2:57 pm
I’ve been weepy too. Wish you lived closer and then we could weep together while we eat carrot cake. That counts as carrots right?
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