Queen of Rambles

Leave me completely alone for 24 hours and bad things happens.

In the last 24 hours I’ve survived an alien invasion, my grandmother, a confused duckling, a 911 emergency, an unexpected e-mail and a naughty kitty. And I almost have the house cleaned.

So let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

It was 2:45 am. My blissful sleep was suddenly shattered by the barking of ten thousand dogs, including the darling yappy Lulu. Ok, so dogs bark sometimes. That doesn’t mean much. But then they KEPT BARKING. Forever. As an avid movie watcher and book reader I am well aware that a bunch of dogs going ape shit can only mean one of two things: a 101 kidnapped dalmations or an alien invasion.

I was lying in bed, just hoping the dogs would stop when I suddenly got my wish. Silence reigned supreme and I was very relieved, but not for long. Suddenly I heard something creeping around in the house, completely un-dog like. The aliens had killed the dogs and were coming for me. It entered my room and I froze. I had no idea what to do. It was making a wet, smacking sound that was racheting up my heart rate. I laid in darkness for a long while, preferring to be killed by an unknown entity rather than turn on the light and face down a slimy, suction cuppy, six-eyed, slinking, many tentacled green and gray mottled creature. The light came on and the alien jumped on me! It was just Lulu, licking her lips in the most annoying way possible. She growled at me(!) and tugged on my blankets until I followed her out of the room. She’s never done that before.

Suddenly the chorus of dogs started again and I was ready to call 911. My dad’s guns are all stored at his friend’s house so I had no protection what so ever. Keeping the lights off, I creeped into the back room and grabbed the cordless phone than took a gander out the window. Lulu wanted out badly, so I opened the door and about had a heart attack. There was a loud, strange humming sound out there. I was happy there wasn’t some rapist/murderer/burglar sneaking around, but my imagination was in such high gear that I was completely freaked. I finally got Lulu back in the house and then got on the computer and chatted for an hour in middle of the night.

After about thirty minutes of continuous barking, a train whistle sounded several times and the dogs all relaxed. I guess the noise must have come from the train yard somehow. Yikes!

Then there was today. . .

I took my grandma out to put flowers on my grandad’s grave and got to hear all about the past. It wasn’t that bad, really, except she told me to go the wrong way then started yelling at me about it. Then we went home. Only nothing can ever be that easy. We were cruising down the highway at 60 mph when I noticed some birds flying in middle of the roadway. I figured they would fly off like birds are wont to do, but did slow down a little. BLAM!!! I smacked straight into a baby duck. Killed it dead. When I hit I jiggled the car a little and Grandma started screeching that I was going to flip the car. She always thinks the car is going to flip over. I have never flipped a car.

Got home to an e-mail that was kind of cool and totally unexpected. A friend of mine from high school discovered my blog while looking up some Swedish stuff (he was an exchange student there). I’m glad it was a cool person who discovered it and not someone I hated. Get this: he’s finishing up a Masters in Library Science right now! How ironic is that? Though I’ve just about decided against that as a career. I have my heart set on the publishing job.

Things were all hunky dory and I was cleaning up the house and getting the bathroom in order. I took a shelf out to the deck to spray paint when I realized I was hearing a faint “help me! help me!” over and over again. At first I thought it was just some stupid kids, but I finally decided it was something I needed to investigate. I grabbed the cordless phone, thinking I could run back to the yard and call 911 if necessary (I was scared I was going to be walking into a domestic dispute or something) and set out exploring. I kept hearing it, but couldn’t see anything. Finally I shouted out “Hello?” and got a response. I walked around a really high fence and found our across the street old lady sprawled out in her yard with blood in her hair. She’d fallen, hit her head and couldn’t get up. She shouted for me to call 911, so I tried it on my phone since it was just across the street, but it didn’t go through. I ran into her house and called, then came back out and comforted her until the ambulance arrived. They carted her off and I went back to polish up my very purple bathroom.

Then there was a knock on the door. The sheriff was there, wanting to know if everything was ok since there was a 911 hang-up call. I assured him that everything was fine. Good thing I was not a serial killer who had my victim locked in the bathroom or something.

Finally, it was time to relax a little. But is there such a thing as relaxation at this house?

NEVER!

I heard a weird screeching sound and looked down to discover a big, live bird hanging from the cat’s mouth. Of course, I just had to be on the phone with my grandma at the moment and I totally freaked out. She was yelling at me to kick the cat, I was yelling at the cat to let the bird go, and then I ran out the back door and did a little “I’m a freak who can’t handle a bird in the house dance” in the driveway. When I came back in the bird was flying around my dad’s part of the house, banging into every window that we have. I opened the back door as wide as possible, then left. It was too much for me to handle. I finally decided I had to do something, but just as I walked back in the bird flew out the door.

Right at that time, my dad and his friend pulled up and my dad started yelling “Where’s Lulu, where’s Lulu?” in his panicked dog-loving way. I wasn’t too concerned since he’d just pulled in, but he wanted me to find her right away since she always runs to him the second he arrives. I found her curled up on my bed, having an epileptic seizure. I guess the bird must have freaked her out.

Then my grandma had to call back and give me a big lecture about why animals should never be allowed in the house and how she would never, ever put up with a dog or a cat.

It’s been a little hectic around here today. And to top it all off, I think I’m getting a sore throat!

Here’s hoping that tomorrow brings a nice, peaceful day with no strange interruptions.

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 30th, 2004 at 7:58 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.