Queen of Rambles

For having a day off, it sure seems like I wasn’t as productive as I would have liked to be. I did do a lot of touch up painting and got the tape off the walls. Let me give you a clue: blue painter’s tape needs to die a thousand deaths. Purple painter’s tape is the only way to go. I had two rolls for different purposes and the blue stuff made a big mess and now I have to go and touch up all the paint it ripped off. Bah!

I really wanted to get things cleaned up, but that never happened. I’m not sure what did happen. I was running around town, cooking dinner, working out. . . cleaning up just never happened. It has to happen sometime within the next three days, though. I am tired of living like this. I need some order in my life. Plus, I want my honey to come home to a reasonably clean house.

I am extremely depressed about the weight situation today. I weighed because I was sure I must have lost some weight even though it wasn’t weigh-in day, only to find that I’ve GAINED a half-pound since Monday. I honestly don’t understand how that could have happened. I trust the scale because it is a doctor’s scale, not an electronic one. I weighed after 45 minutes (3 miles, 520 calories!) on the elliptical so that was a major, demoralizing blow. I guess I shouldn’t obsess over it but I can’t help myself. I know there are highs and lows and it is probably muscle mass since it weighs more than fat. . . . but still, it feels like a knife in the heart. Bah.

So I rented some movies to cheer myself up and just finished watching Finding Nemo. I have a weird fish phobia, but I figured cartoon fish wouldn’t creep me out like real ones do. I was ok for most of the movie, but certain scenes sent grossed out tingles through my body. Yuck. Definitely won’t be watching that one a second time. Some of the fish were simply too realistic looking. I hate the way fish move. It’s the creepiest, nastiest thing I can think of. I hope I don’t have nightmares.

I’ve come to a rather important conclusion today. I think I was meant to live with my dad for a while so that I would realize that I like him. He’s not just an inconvenience and a drunk boob head. When he’s sober he’s an extremely likeable guy and he is much smarter than I ever realized. It’s pretty amazing for me to sit around and have an intelligent, philosophical discussion with the man. I never dreamed such a thing would ever be possible. I’m so glad I’ve had this opportunity to get to know him. There’s much more to him than I thought there was. It’s something of a bitter-sweet thing. Now I feel really bad for him and worry about him. Before I had no feelings at all. Life is much easier when you have no feelings for a person. A few months ago I looked at my dad and really saw him. He’s a person. These past couple of weeks that person has really filled into something new to me. It’s a strange feeling. The craziest thing is, I think I like him better than any of my family members (not counting Mikey, of course) when he is sober. His drunken self is a whole other story, but he hasn’t been drunk that many times since we’ve been here.

He’s actually gone for the weekend so I have the house all to myself. I told him he couldn’t leave because I was scared to stay alone (totally in jest) and he got this look of utter confusion on his face. At first I think he thought I was serious and he didn’t know what to do. He looked really relieved when I told him I was joking. He did tell me to keep the doors locked, so I just now remembered to do that. His words “The world’s going to shit, so lock the damn doors.” When I was a kid we didn’t even have a key to the house. We didn’t get a functioning locking door until my darling sister starting dragging nasty creatures home. I’ve never been afraid to be alone. My only bad alone experience happened when my darling sister decided to kill me with an axe. Luckily she wasn’t too quick and the police arrived before she busted down the door. Family. Don’t you just love them?

And now I am going to bed. I don’t want to wake up with another headache from hell tomorrow. I really want to write like crazy tomorrow, but am not sure when I’ll have time. I told my granny I’d take her out to the cemetery to take flowers to my grandad. He is buried in a town about a half hour from here so she really shouldn’t be driving by herself. The thought of being trapped in a car with her for that long is making me weary. I haven’t done anything wrong, so why do I have to be constantly lectured about my darling sister’s behavior? I get So. Darned. Sick. Of. It. That’s all granny can talk about. Bah!

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 29th, 2004 at 7:38 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.