Queen of Rambles

The bitches were back at water aerobics tonight and I didn’t take it! They sniped at me and I sniped right back. I’m a grown-up and I don’t have to take their crap!

I really am a grown-up.

I’m going to be 30 in exactly one month. Sob with me, people.

I do not want to be 30. I do not want to be 30. I do not want to die. I do not want to get wrinkles. I do not want gray hair. I do not want to have an even slower metabolism. I do not want to be 30.

But since my options are turn 30 or die, I hope I’ll turn 30.

My birthday is during spring break, so you’d think a person turning 30 would get to do something supremely cool like go to Hawaii or get a flying bed. But no. We are not stable, thus there is nothing supremely cool on the horizon. I’m just going to cry big ol’ crocodile tears that week and hopefully have sex at least once. Or twice. Or tense. Though I don’t think tense is a word in the sense that I mean.

I know all you people over 30 are pish-poshing me and I’m sorry. But didn’t you guys have a panic attack too? I can’t be the only one. My life simply isn’t what I thought it would be. In some ways it is about a million times better because I was never able to really imagine a loving husband. But then, in some ways it feels stalled. Where’s the mansion? Where’s the convertible? Where’s the incredibly cool chemistry lab job? Where’s the big Barbie collection?

Ok, so I don’t actually want a big Barbie collection. That’d just be creepy. I would like a decent job, a decent car, and a nice home to call my own. When will I get these things? WHEN WHEN WHEN? I’m just a hamster, running around and around and around.

At least I finally seem to be making some headway on my writerly dreams. Mosaic Minds is really taking off and I think I’m providing good leadership. I’ve got two novels in various stages of completion that look promising. I gain more confidence every day in that area. Except on the days that I feel like a total loser who can’t string together an original thought that isn’t steeped in triteness.

I did something really big for me today. I talked about my book in person with a real live human being who doesn’t love me. Three real live human beings in fact.

I took my manuscript to the library to spiral bind it so it wouldn’t get all mixed up and there were a couple of my smart little girls hanging around. One asked what I was making so I had to tell her. First I just said “a book” and left it at that, but they are both book fiends so it didn’t take them long to ask “What book?” Then I explained. I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t think I could look a person in the eye and say “my book that I wrote” but I did it and it felt good! The girls looked at me like I was some sort of demi-god and instantly wanted to read it! I promised them that I’d give them each a copy (even if it is just spiral bound) as soon as I edit it and finish it. Much to my embarrassment they went around and told the whole school about it so I’ve also had to talk about it with grown ups. But it’s all right because I’m a grown up. And now every one thinks I’m cool. Or at least they pretended to think I was cool. They were really probably thinking “giant nerd,” but I am a giant nerd so that’s ok.

But now I have to quit writing here and go write some real fiction! I have a tight deadline (like tonight) for a story I’m working on so I better hop to it.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 27th, 2004 at 6:10 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.