Snippets
A ten rating on the yuck-o-meter:
Kid runs up to me shouting “Mrs. Possum, Mrs. Possum!” (I’m doomed to have a name that children can never pronounce.
I look at him and notice his eye is extremely odd looking.
“Mrs. Possum! I spent the night at my dad’s and he couldn’t fix my eye! You have to fix it for me!”
Me, being the gallant possum that I am, grit my teeth and almost stick my finger in his eye before backing off.
“Will it hurt? Is this the right eye? Are you sure?” I ask with disgust barely contained in my voice.
“Yes! Hurry, hurry Mrs. Possum! I want to go eat breakfast.”
So I stick my thumb in his eye and turn it till it’s facing the right direction. Ugh ugh double ugh.
How many of you have “glass eye straightening” as a part of your job description?
Not so hairy
Our regular water aerobics teacher was gone and the silly 16 year old girl who does it sometimes was gone. She probably had a date. Last week she made sure to tell us all that she got lots and lots of Valentine’s because “the boys like her.” I wanted to smack the shit out of her when she declared that with her little smile but I just said “oh how nice” and kept pretending like I was climbing a mountain.
Today’s teacher was a 12 year old boy. Seriously.
Ok, he was probably older than 12 but he didn’t have any body hair! That was freaky. So young. So innocent. So very bad at leading water aerobics.
Bi-atch Revenge
Bi-atch: yelling Someone wrote on this white board! Who wrote on this white board????
Me: forcefully I did! We have kids in here all day long so I’m going to write on the white board when I need to.
Bi-atch: muttering as she erases the white board I wish I had time to sit around while other people clean up my messes.
Ok, since when is erasing a white board cleaning up a mess?
A few minutes later my break was over so I went to round up my kids. I talked to their teacher in the hall and said quite loudly “I’m going to take the girls to the library today because Mrs. Biatch’s class is so loud none of us can concentrate.”
Then I went in to get my supplies, but Mrs. Biatch wasn’t there. Foiled again! But her kids were there and bouncing off the walls.
I walk into the library.
Biatch: yelling Why are you in here? Why aren’t you in the room?
Me: My students need to concentrate on their work and can’t do it while your class is being noisy.
Biatch: My class would never be noisy! I told them to be silent! (She teaches a group of seven ADD students. Silent isn’t in their vocabulary)
Me: I guess you better get back and supervise then because they are being even louder than normal.
Biatch: stares at me with her jaw hanging to the floor, then stomps off in a huff
Ok, so it wasn’t much revenge, but at least I’m asserting myself. I’m surprised because normally I’m not an assertive person, but I really don’t need to take any B. S. at this job.
Despite the yuck-o-factor and the Biatch dealings I had a really great day. My hormone levels are back to normal so I didn’t feel like I was a wild monkey just waiting to jump on top of someone and peel their face off with my bare hands.
February 20th, 2004 at 1:12 pm
Good for you for asserting yourself, Carrie! Go for it. I hereby declare that February is the officical go-for-it month in terms of asserting yourself as a human being with the right to be respected in a school organization.
February 20th, 2004 at 3:54 pm
I gagged when you were telling about the glass eye. I used to work with adults with disabilities, getting them jobs and keeping contact withe their supervisors after I got them the job. One of the women that i supervised had a glass eye, and used to pop it out whenever someone annoyed her just to be gross. Yeah, i got called to her job like six times to tell her to put her eye back in.
February 21st, 2004 at 3:20 am
WTH does she EXPECT you to do w/the white board??? HONESTLY????
How does she stay employed???