Queen of Rambles

Last night I dreamed that my ears were so full of wax that it was dripping out everywhere. When I woke up I decided that’d be a great way to lose weight. If they could increase ear wax production that would use up some fat, right? Isn’t ear wax mainly fat? It’d […]

There’s this little rat bastard third grader at school that I absolutely hate. Loathe even. If I was a lesser person I would pinch his little head off and feed it to Bonkers (she’ll eat anything).
Today I had him in my room to work on a test (since he can’t read it by […]

The bitches were back at water aerobics tonight and I didn’t take it! They sniped at me and I sniped right back. I’m a grown-up and I don’t have to take their crap!
I really am a grown-up.
I’m going to be 30 in exactly one month. Sob with me, people.
I do not […]

I hate it when I dream that I’ve woken up from a bad dream, but then the alarm goes off sometime later and I have to do the whole wake up thing again, only for real. That’s happened the last two mornings, so tonight I’m going to have to program my brain not to […]

People have asked me when I’m going to tell the story of my dad’s childhood, so I guess tonight is the night. I haven’t done it before because there’s nothing funny about it. There’s simply not a way to turn a clever phrase and elicit a laugh. The story is horrifying and […]

Kisha is the only person I know who feels more random guilt than I do. Pretty typical since she’s my long lost soul twin who thinks thoughts at the exact same moment I do. Mike even gave her a tricky C-Ness test and while she didn’t pass muster if you go by exact […]

Today I accomplished precisely nothing. I spent the day reading a very enticing book that swept me up and held me hostage. It felt good. Very good. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so engrossed in a book that I didn’t do other things that needed doing. I’m glad […]

We went over to my mom’s today to help her move some stuff out and ended up with a barely used Ab-Doer and step-machine. The step-machine is hard work, but the Ab-Doer is super easy. It doesn’t feel like it’s doing a thing, so I crunched all through my recorded Gilmore Girls and now […]

Can you believe not a single interesting thing happened at work today? The Biatch was gone, so things were a lot calmer. None of the kids were exceptionally strange. Several of the teachers were gone. It’s nice to have a non-eventful day once in a while.
Then I got home from work […]

It’s time once again to ask for your help. Not that I haven’t asked for your help numerous times before, but this is just a re-asking.
We’re gearing up for our March issue of Mosaic Minds and have a TON of great poetry and features, but we are sorely lacking short fiction.
Even though our deadline […]