Queen of Rambles

Last night I dreamed that my ears were so full of wax that it was dripping out everywhere. When I woke up I decided that’d be a great way to lose weight. If they could increase ear wax production that would use up some fat, right? Isn’t ear wax mainly fat? It’d be pretty gross, [...]

There’s this little rat bastard third grader at school that I absolutely hate. Loathe even. If I was a lesser person I would pinch his little head off and feed it to Bonkers (she’ll eat anything). Today I had him in my room to work on a test (since he can’t read it by himself) [...]

The bitches were back at water aerobics tonight and I didn’t take it! They sniped at me and I sniped right back. I’m a grown-up and I don’t have to take their crap! I really am a grown-up. I’m going to be 30 in exactly one month. Sob with me, people. I do not want [...]

I hate it when I dream that I’ve woken up from a bad dream, but then the alarm goes off sometime later and I have to do the whole wake up thing again, only for real. That’s happened the last two mornings, so tonight I’m going to have to program my brain not to do [...]

People have asked me when I’m going to tell the story of my dad’s childhood, so I guess tonight is the night. I haven’t done it before because there’s nothing funny about it. There’s simply not a way to turn a clever phrase and elicit a laugh. The story is horrifying and maddening. It explains [...]

Kisha is the only person I know who feels more random guilt than I do. Pretty typical since she’s my long lost soul twin who thinks thoughts at the exact same moment I do. Mike even gave her a tricky C-Ness test and while she didn’t pass muster if you go by exact specifics, the [...]

Today I accomplished precisely nothing. I spent the day reading a very enticing book that swept me up and held me hostage. It felt good. Very good. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so engrossed in a book that I didn’t do other things that needed doing. I’m glad I took the day [...]

We went over to my mom’s today to help her move some stuff out and ended up with a barely used Ab-Doer and step-machine. The step-machine is hard work, but the Ab-Doer is super easy. It doesn’t feel like it’s doing a thing, so I crunched all through my recorded Gilmore Girls and now I’m [...]

Can you believe not a single interesting thing happened at work today? The Biatch was gone, so things were a lot calmer. None of the kids were exceptionally strange. Several of the teachers were gone. It’s nice to have a non-eventful day once in a while. Then I got home from work and had to [...]

It’s time once again to ask for your help. Not that I haven’t asked for your help numerous times before, but this is just a re-asking. We’re gearing up for our March issue of Mosaic Minds and have a TON of great poetry and features, but we are sorely lacking short fiction. Even though our [...]