Queen of Rambles

I hate womanhood when it feels like some creature made of crushed glass is going to claw through my uterus at any second. No wonder I’ve been such a grouch the last two days. I’m also not impressed with my newest symptom. Once again I’ve been hit with the dizzies. At least I didn’t fall down today like I did last month.

I really want to go take a hot soak, but my bath pillow popped last night and it’s just way too uncomfortable to do it without the pillow. I’m totally spoiled, aren’t I? I don’t think I’m going to buy one before we leave. Less than two weeks! But no more soaks. Darn.

Tonight they were having a little get together for Mike at an “American steak house.” I went for a while but then I got bored and left. Annica was there and in fine form. Bjorn looked pissed. You are not going to believe this. You know how she got mad when Bjorn said hello to a woman he kissed once when he was 19? Today she and the girls spent the day exploring the ice hotel with a man she used to sleep with and still is in love with! She doesn’t see her hypocrisy at all. My head spins at the thought.

The “steak house” was anything but American. Actually, as far as I could see it was anything but a steak house. On Friday nights they have a cheap buffet and that’s what everyone ate. There was a nasty, nasty looking salad with lots of corn, a fairly decent pasta salad, miniature hot dog wieners, a potato/anchovies dish, a stew thing that looked like chicken, and nasty saw dust tasting meatballs. I took a lot of the “chicken” stew and just about barfed when I bit into a nice, tender chunk of chicken. Fish. FISH! I do not eat fish. It was fish. I wanted to barf or cry or run screaming and gagging and throwing a fit. Instead I sat there quietly and acted like an adult. It’s hard for me to act like an adult. I never feel like an adult.

I got my hair “trimmed” the other day and it makes me want to cry. When I got my short hair a few weeks ago I felt sexy and very Elyse Sewell-like. Not anymore. I don’t know what the woman was smoking, but she gave me what I call the “typical” Swedish hair cut–way too short and very angular. It should grow out pretty fast. I hope. I really, really hope. I feel like an ass when I take my hat off but my hat is wool so I can’t wear it all the time. It itches my poor head. My hair is so angular that it’s sharp. Why do her haircuts have to be so inconsistent? I hope someone can fix it for me after we get back to the good ol’ USofA.

I want some drugs. I wonder how people know how to get drugs. I want some muscle relaxers or pain pills. Something that makes me floaty. I’m just so grouchy today that I can’t even stand myself. My mom and grandma both get a really scrunched little face when they get mad and I’m starting to get that exact same mad look about me. I do not like it Sam I am, I do not like a scrunched face or ham. Don’t worry. I would never actually take anything like that. I just understand why some people do. Personally, I’m terrified of becoming addicted to any type of drugs or alcohol. I have a very addictive personality and do not ever want to test it. I’m happy that I’ve become addicted to exercise but really fear vices. The addictive streak is a mile wide in my poor family. I just want something to make things fade into black for a few hours. I want the tension in my shoulders to disappear and the thoughts running through my brain to slow down. I want to forget about all the things I need to get done and all the people I need to deal with. I want to forget about everyone and everything and just float. I don’t know a healthy way to do that so I guess I won’t do it at all. Instead I’ll sit up and all night and stress.

At least I know it is only the hormones talking. They sure do hit me hard. I really want to start my Depo shots again so I can forget about a monthly period but if we want kids I can’t do it. Do we really want kids? For a while I thought I really wanted a baby but we still don’t have one and are no where near having one and I’m beginning to wonder if I really want one. Our lives would change beyond recognition. It would hurt a lot. It could turn out to be a bad kid. How do people ever come to the point where they can make a decision about this subject?

Speaking of children, I have something else I need to rant about. This week has been a few weeks in the brewing, mainly because I wanted to research it a little better but my Swedish isn’t good enough to really research it. As you all know from my many journal entries on the subject, Sweden does not allow any form of physical violence against children. A swat on the butt can lead to removal of the children from the home. I suppose it can also lead to jail time. I’m not sure what the punishments are. So how stupid is this? I read a brief article a few weeks ago that said a Swedish man murdered his six-month-old twin boy by shaking him to death. The twin girl had several broken bones and other evidence of severe abuse. You’d think in a society that doesn’t even allow spanking this guy would really get the book thrown at him, right? Nope. He got three years in prison. Three measly years! It makes me irate just thinking about it. I don’t understand how such a thing is possible. How? HOW???? I’ve heard it said that if you want to murder someone bring them to Sweden to do it. I well believe it. Some things about this society are completely incomprehensible.

And now I think I’m going to go and try to finish that sweater I’ve been knitting for the last fifty years. I think I can knit elephants in my sleep.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 19th, 2003 at 9:57 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.