Queen of Rambles

Juan is one of the new breed of nomadic bloggers. Having no blogging home of his own, Juan blogs on sites around the world for vacationing or otherwise absent blog owners. When not wandering the world, Juan lives in an undisclosed location in North America. Juan is married, but his wife doesnt mind if you send photos and thoughts his way at “whereisjuantoday@hotmail.com”.

What follows are the thoughts of guest blogger Juan.

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“You are on the Versache. You are on the crotch-rocket, not so much.”

Does this mean anything to anyone? Does anyone find it poetic? I saw this on the back of a city bus today. And it wasnt grafitti, it was actually printed on the bus. An advertisement of one sort or another I guess (really, more of the “other sort” I guess). From what I could tell, this statement somehow advertised a monthly “arts” magazine. So maybe it was poetry. Could it be a haiku? And I may not have spelled “Versache” correctly. The whole thing seemed like maybe it was somewhat sexual (the crotch-rocket part I guess).

I bought “The Big Bang- nerve’s guide to the new sexual universe” (note- I did not buy this book as a result of seeing the advertisement on the bus- I actually bought the book before seeing the advertisement on the bus, but seeing the advertisement on the bus made me remember that I bought the book). I thought it was a clever title. Its by Em and Lo, the Nerve.com sex advice columnists. My favorite part is the short “history” of sex. For instance, it taught me (and I quote) ” that staunch antimasturbationists like Will Keith Kellogg and Sylverster Graham believed that bland diet would promote sexual restraint- and thus Kellogg’s Cornflakes and Graham Crackers were born. ” Some great marketing campaigns could be built around their history as antimasturbation foods I bet. The book also has some great advice on the back cover- for example “Sloppy drunks and japanese rope bondage don’t mix”. And the very relevant good advice that “Television should never take priority over sex”. Actually, their sex advice column is more entertaining than their book I thought.

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Today I thought I was going to be car jacked. We were in a not so wonderful part of town, just on the outskirts of downtown. I was with two of my co-workers. Luckily, I was not driving (I’ll get to why this was lucky in a moment). We were sitting at a stop sign waiting to turn right, and had been motionless for several minutes. All of a sudden “WHAM”, we were hit from behind. We all three turned around to look, and there was an old white sedan. There were two passengers in it, and they both looked pretty questionable. My first thought was their plan was to jump out of the car and jack us, since I couldnt see any other possible way they could have hit us. It seemed like it had to have been on purpose, since we had been sitting motionless for at least a minute or so. To my relief, the driver of the other car threw the car into reverse and sped away backwards. We noticed at that point that he had no license plate on the front of his car. The guy I was with was furious because someone had hit his car, and so to my dismay, he began speeding backwards after them. At this point, the purued vehicle did sorta a donut to get turned around (it was just like on TV), and as he stopped briefly, the passenger door opened and this guy came sorta falling out of the car into the middle of the street. My initial thought was that he must have a gun and was assuming a prone position in the street in order to blow us away. Since I didnt want to appear concerned (I have my pride) I suggested to our driver he stop so he wouldnt run over the guy. The guy then got up and started to wander off. By this time, the car that had hit us was long gone. We questioned the man who fell out of the car, and he claimed to have been hitchhiking and not to know anything about the guy who hit us. He then wandered off. We called the police, but they said they couldnt send anyone since there was some sort of citywide homicide emergency at the time. I didnt find that real comforting. So that was my excitement for the day. I’m just glad it wasnt my car that got hit.

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I am currently being held hostage by a 3 pound, 2 oz. schnoodle (I’m sure the police don’t care on account of the citywide homicide emergency). Fortunately for him, he’s very sweet and cute. We got him on Saturday. He doesnt seem to need as much sleep as the rest of us, which is unfortunate. Julie has been up with him each night. As a result, she’s very very tired. Each evening we play “try to exhaust the schnoodle” in the hopes it will cause him to sleep more at night. Last night was the best night yet- he only got up once at around 2:30 a.m. Keep your fingers crossed for us tonight.

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I like that song “Amersterdam”. I think its by Guster. Its very soothing. Its sorta playing in my head now. Every morning when I wake up, almost without fail, I lament that I haven’t been bright enough to figure out a way that I don’t have to work (its not so much that I mind going to work, I just resent that I have to get up early to do it). One idea that has sorta developed from this is the concept of commune living. It seems like a group of people living together can do so for much less per person than a small nuclear family. Just think of what it would mean to most people’s standard of living if you added a third person to the economic situation. My idea is that we need to go back to more of a tribe type concept. Build a little conclave, or maybe just buy a really big house. Actually, something along the lines of a college dorm would work well. Everyone needs to have their own small suite of rooms, but the living room, kitchen etc are all shared. I think it would be a more natural way to live from a social standpoint as well, since people lived in tribes for most of our history. You would have friends around all the time, and there would be plenty of kids for all the children to play with. I think everyone would have to pay some sort of flat “fee” to provide for all the common expenses. Some people could choose to work at home and be compensated for doing things like providing day care, or doing the cleaning or cooking. The more I think about it the more I like it. People could accumulate a lot more money this way because their cost of living would be so much less. Thus, they could retire earlier, or, just work part time instead of full time. Had I been of the right age in the 60’s or 70’s, I think I could have very easily bought into the whole “hippie” lifestyle. So maybe what I need to do is see if I can generate interest, and then run adds to identify people to invest in the commune with me and live there. Let me know if you think this is just wacked (I’m trying to use current teenage slang to prove I can keep up with the times- I have a theory that eventually most people get stuck in time, its just a matter of at what point in their lives it happens- some people are stuck by the time they are 25, others make it until they are 65, but eventually you get stuck. When this happens you stop changing your hair style, you clothing styles, and you don’t like any of the new music- so pay attention to these three areas to keep yourself from becoming stuck).
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Said schnoodle is now asleep in my lap. I need to wake him up soon so I can try to exhaust him before the people bedtime. He’s very funny with our Airedale. The Airedale doesnt have any idea what to do with a 3 pound schnoodle, except he suspects he’s not supposed to eat him. And he knows he shouldnt step on him. So the Airedale mostly just stares intently at the schnoodle. He also keeps trying to chew on the schnoodles little tiny gumabone, which looks sorta like it would look if I tried to eat with a knife and fork made for a barbie. Its just all out of proportion.
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Gotta go try to exhaust the schnoodle now.

Juan

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 24th, 2003 at 3:38 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.